My mate told me that I just don’t understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. An onion just told me a joke. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. A priest, a rabbi and a blind man walk into a bar and the bartender says, ‘What is this, some kind of joke?’ I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller. I’ll never forget what my granddad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, ‘Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?’ Whether told in the rugby clubs of Wales or the gentlemen’s clubs of London, their sharpness and simplicity unites us all. Short, sweet and wickedly clever, they hold a special place in the annals of comedy, and as the Twitter age heralds a resurrection of the art form, there seems no better time to celebrate the immortal one-liner. In this riveting read, Times diary columnist Grant Tucker does just that, bringing together 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you’ll ever need - and a whole lot more.
After making us laugh out loud with 5,000 Great One-Liners, Grant Tucker goes one better with this uproarious sequel! More One-Liners is another hilarious volume of the finest quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks known to humanity. From twists on the classics to modern greats, from A-grade antics to X-rated gags, from jokes you could tell your mother to jokes about yo momma, there's something short, sweet and wickedly clever for everyone in this definitive volume.
DAILY MAIL BOOK OF THE WEEK Men must be the worst oppressors in history - we pay the most taxes, get the least support and play longer matches at Wimbledon for no extra money. We're also more likely to be homeless, circumcised, attacked, jailed, drafted, under-educated, short-changed in parenthood and shafted by divorce. Oh, and to top it all, we die sooner. Despite this, feminists still assert we live in a patriarchy and give us a hard time. Fortunately, Peter Lloyd is here to offer a reality check in this long-overdue lad bible. Part polemic, part toolkit for the modern man, Stand By Your Manhood answers all the burning questions facing the brotherhood today, including: Should we fund the first date? Is penis size a political issue? Are we sexist if we enjoy pornography? Why isn't there a men's minister? Politically incorrect, fearless and laugh-out-loud funny, this is the deliciously provocative book that gives blokes their balls back.
An engrossing chronicle of the Fourth Crusade and the fall of the Holy Roman Empire, from the bestselling author of Thermopylae. At the dawn of the thirteenth century, Constantinople stood as the bastion of Christianity in Eastern Europe. The capital city of the Byzantine Empire, it was a center of art, culture, and commerce that had commanded trading routes between Asia, Russia, and Europe for hundreds of years. But in 1204, the city suffered a devastating attack that would spell the end of the Holy Roman Empire. The army of the Fourth Crusade had set out to reclaim Jerusalem, but under the sway of their Venetian patrons, the crusaders diverted from their path in order to lay siege to Constantinople. With longstanding tensions between the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox churches, the crusaders set arms against their Christian neighbors, destroying a vital alliance between Eastern and Western Rome. In The Great Betrayal, historian Ernle Bradford brings to life this powerful tale of envy and greed, demonstrating the far-reaching consequences this siege would have across Europe for centuries to come.
Presenting a fresh perspective on a common challenge, author Scott Levy delivers a new answer to every business owner’s social media question — how can I make social media work for me? Levy’s solution takes a cue from another explosive media phenomenon: reality TV. Levy invites readers to create the same magnetism that pulls reality TV viewers in by using the same tools: transparency, authenticity, and a human element. Readers learn how to use social platforms to tactfully share, or bare, their brand, inciting consumer action. Readers also learn how to strip their social media strategy down to what works for their brand, exhibit transparency that engages followers on all popular social channels, and create brand consistency across all social platforms. Other topics cover engineering positive brand impacts and avoid devastating damage, using crowdsourcing and retweets, and lifting a brand from relative obscurity to significant popularity. Real-life examples relate well-known business brands such as Sharpie and Jet Blue, and personal brands such as NFL Runningback DeAngelo Williams. Social media marketers learn exactly what it takes to seduce the masses and turn them from passive followers to brand champions and loyal brand buyers.